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| Locked O'Catay and the Grapes of Wrath (a m00vie) | | Author | Message | The Red Baron (DELETED)
(2006-04-15 21:56:30) | All bouqets to me, all brickbats to TrB, all questions to Admirarch.
Thanks
-Gn00bie's Production Staff.
[movie starts, we see a beach, camera slowly pans the beach]
<narrator voice>
Opening sequences in a movie can do a lot of different things. They
can introduce characters, sets plot, themes, and tones or any number of
such things. The opening sequence in the this movie seeks to do nothing
like that. This opening is here to tell you that all rights are reserved
and rest with the Inc. Any violators will be hunted down, and tickled
mercilessly. This is your first and only warning.
[fade to black]
[We see a tall skinny man sitting in a train watching the country side go
by]
There deBaron was born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. He had the double misfortune
of being born with a funny name in a place with a funny name. The less
said about his misfortune, the better. It suffices to say that when he
turned 18, he decided to go someplace with an even funnier name and poke
fun at people that lived in the said place. A brief google search revealed
a place called Cocktown, and There deBaron set off to take revenge for 18
years of punny and not at all funny jokes. He went from Addis Ababa to Dublin by air, and took
a train to Cocktown in Wexford, Ireland.
</narrator voice>
[There deBaron walks out of the train station with a Mountain Dew and sees
a board called "Welcome to Cocktown" and grins like a Cheshire cat]
There deBaron: The day of revenge has arrived, but first a hot shower in the
hotel room
[Loud noise of aaaHOOOOGA!, There deBaron turns around and sees a cop ride
towards him on a tricycle]
There deBaron (holding back a grin): Good morning officer
<freeze frame>
<narrator voice>
Little did There deBaron know that the cop in question was called Sprite C
Hick, who rode around the town on a tricycle, mostly writing tickets for
speeding. 9 out of 10 of these speeding tickets went to hapless
pedestrians in Cocktown. This tricycle has a large air horn which makes
the aaaHOOOOGA! sound, the sound that terrorizes the residents of Cocktown. Since her
name is Sprite, she has a natural aversion to Mountain Dew and has been trying to
get it banned for 20 years now.
</narrator voice>
</freeze frame>
Sprite C Hick: Your morning just became bad stranger, I will have to write
you a ticket
There deBaron: ... why..? (low slow voice)
Sprite C Hick: Mostly because you are drinking Mountain Dew and grinning at
the name of my dear town, but obstinately for speeding, your name stranger?
[Sprite C Hick takes off her helmet with large strobe lights]
There deBaron: There deBaron officer, but officer I was standing still, how
could I have been speeding!
Sprite C Hick: There you go deBaron, please fall over and die
<starts laughing loudly, and hands the ticket to There deBaron. Gets on the
tricycle, puts the helmet with strobe lights back off, and rides of
laughing loudly>
There deBaron: Darn! There goes my taxi money, will have to walk to the
Hotel Room. And even Cocktown cops make fun of my name.
[There deBaron starts walking]
<narrator voice>
Best laid plans, and all that jazz.
[fade to black]
[We see catay walking out of a Delhaize store, towards his car with several
bags. He has blue jeans and a casual shirt on. It is overcast, but not
raining]
Steven Catay is as Belgian as you can get without breaking any laws, he
likes his waffles, he loves his chocolate, and views his beer as a basic
human right. If he could have two wishes, he would ask for a beer bottle
that would never become empty. His second wish of course, would be
another beer bottle that would never become empty, he likes to
share good times with friends. He has a secret wish, he wants Halle Berry
to be in this movie. He may or may not get that bottle of beer, but he
should get Halle Berry.
[catay gets into his car puts everything in, and starts driving, camera has catay in focus]
[Pink Floyd Song : San Tropez starts playing, catay starts driving. Reaches
into a bag to pull a chocolate out and starts eating it]
What could possibly be wrong in this pretty picture? You are probably
wondering about that.
[catay keeps driving, takes a few turns, eats more chocolate etc, suddenly
loud sound of squealing brakes, sound of crash, an There deBaron is
overrun by catay]
<freeze frame>
Well, something is wrong with this pretty picture afterall. How does
Steven Catay in Belgian overrun There deBaron in Cocktown, Ireland? Allow
me to shed some light.
a. Steve Catay is not in Belgium, he is indeed in Cocktown in Wexford, Ireland.
b. Steven Catay is actually Steven called O'Catay, though he hotly denies it
c. The store he just got out of is not a Delhaize, it is the local grocery shop.
Surely you jest, I can hear you say, but we kid you not. We reiteratre:
a. There is a real place called Cocktown in Wexford, Ireland.
b. Our protagonist was indeed born in Cocktown.
c. As the name suggests, Steven O'Catay is Irish.
Steven O'Catay has never been to Belgium, but since he was about 7 years
old, he thinks he has been living in Belgium. He even shops at what he
thinks is Delhaize and Den Aldi. The good people of Cocktown have humored
him like you would humor a harmless lunatic, or like you would humor a
geriatric grandparent. All this sounds rather harmless, but as you
clearly see, it is not. Afterall it not everyday that an Ethiopian
pedestrian is overrun in Cocktown. We take the safety of Ethiopian
pedestrians very seriously in Cocktown.
</freeze frame>
</narrator voice>
[We see catay's car speed across the roads of Cocktown, catay brakes hard
and runs into his house. This conversation happens in belgian]
Steven (mutters): oh my god, oh my god
[catay runs up the stairs and into his room, starts putting clothes into a suitcase]
O'Catay's mom: What are you doing son?
[you see, catay would not talk, unless spoken to in Belgian, so his mom
had to learn it. catay can speak fluent english though.]
Steven: Mom, I have to go away, something terrible happened. (continues packing)
O'Catay's mom: What?
Steven: I ran over an Ethiopian pedestrian (starts looking for toothbrush)
O'Catay's mom: oh no son, get away as soon as you can, or the Garda will
have your hide.
Steven: yes mom, I have to. Sorry to go like this
O'Catay's mom: sorry to see you go like that. But I am distraught and
frustrated, I shall go to Belgium! and eat my chocolate!
[catay runs down the stairs with his suitcase, his mom sits down and cries.
catay has moist eyes too]
[fade to black]
[There deBaron wakes up in a hospital bed, he has a few injuries, though on
the whole he seems to be ok. Kierra deBaR is in the room too.]
<narrator voice>
I am sure a lot of you are wondering about this name, Kierra deBaR. In
Ethiopia, men append the words "on" to their surname, while women do
not. We have no idea why.
</narrator voice>
Kierra deBaR: There you are, There. There you are!
<There deBaron groans>
Kierra deBaR: Morning sunshine.
<silence, wall clock ticks>
Kierra deBaR: Child keeping mum? Speak to me There.
<There deBaron groans even more loudly>
Kierra deBaR: Fine, we are going back home tomorrow night, you are not
badly hurt There, I have talked to the doctors here.
There deBaron: Oh no, not there.
Kierra deBaR: Oh yes, you are goiyou are going There.
<There deBaron sighs loudly>
<narrator voice>
Since this conversation does not seem to going anywhere, let us go where,
There is no There. And you get the general idea of what There deBaron has
to go through, on a regular basis.
[3 years later in Belgium]
A lot has changed in the last three years. Steven O'Catay is now Steven
Catay, and he lives somewhere in Belgium. He has not gone back to Ireland
for the fear of getting caught. And he never liked Ireland all that much
anyway.
</narrator voice>
[We see catay walking around in the apartment, looking for something.
catay's girlfriend, Hail Berry, mother of Grapes walkes in. The following
convesation takes place in Belgian.]
Hail Berry: What are you looking for Steven darling
Steven O'Catay: Hail mother of Grapes, I am just looking for the car keys
[A cute little toddler walks into the Room, she is the Grapes Hail Berry is
the mother of]
Grapes: bababababababaaba
Steven O'Steven: Grapes Catay, bababababab to you too
Grapes: bababababababaaba
Hail Berry: Let us go dear
[Hail Berry pickes Grapes up, takes the child safety seat, and they all
leave the apartment as one happy family. They get in the car, and start
driving.]
<narrator voice>
So Steven O'Catay, Hail Berry, and Grapes Catay will live happily ever
after. Steven P'Catay will in due course, discover the game of bzflag and become
very good at it. Though the reason Grapes was names Grapes, is entirely
unclear to us all, it is a sweet name. But there are a few loose ends, so
let us see if we can tie them
[fade to black]
But the story would not be complete without talking to Steven O'Catay's
mother, would it?
</narrator voice>
Interviewer: Thank you for talking to us today Mrs O'Catay.
O'Catay's mom: No, thank you for bringing me tidings of my long lost son.
Interviewer: So, can you tell us about what happened in Cocktown after
Steven ran away?
O'Catay's mom: Well, that Ethiopian pedestrian was not seriously injured,
and Sprite C Hick did not like him much. So no charges were pressed.
Interviewer: So are you telling us that it is safe for Steven to come back
to Cocktown?
O'Catay's mom: I have been trying to locate him for the last 3 years to
tell him that, but I had no idea where he was, till today.
Interviewer: We know for a fact that Steven will be reading this interview,
is there something you would like to tell him?
O'Catay's mom: Steven, please come back to Cocktown. Your mother wants to see
you, and the grand daughter Grapes, and also Hail Berry, the mother of
grapes. I have heard that Hail Berry was a Bond Girl before she met you.
Please come bacl
<O'Catay's mom starts sobbing quietly>
<freeze frame>
<narrator voice>
This movie is not going to moralize or pontificate. Somewhere in Belgium,
there is O'Catay, and somewhere in Ireland, his mother is waiting for him
to come back. It is easy for us to pretend that the reunion happens, and
they all live happily thereafter. It is even easier for us to call catay
names, but that does not do much now, does it?
</freeze frame>
[catay is sitting on a bench alone in a thoughtfool mood, and the air blows
through his air. He seems to be in deep thought, so we will let him be. ]
Oh catay, we just want to let you know, that you will always be Steven
O'Catay for us. Your mother misses you, and sometimes, she cries for you
too.
Coda
Several years later, O'Catay will meet There deBaron again in bzflag,
realise he is innocent and that There deBaron is still There. He will make
some jokes about There's name and likely get punched in the nose. He might
also go back to Cocktown ireland, where he will be welcomed like a hero. Why you ask? Well Steven O'Catay is Hail Berry's boyfriend, and he is the only person from Cocktown to play bzflag well with a keyboard. | pyr0 (DELETED)
(2006-04-15 23:51:19) | pretty story, but the ending sucked 
-pyr0 |
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